Today is the day after Thanksgiving. I feel HUGE! I've been suffering from bulimia now since the birth of my son about 15 monthes ago. I was always the skinny one, and in 9 monthes I had gained about 90 pounds. Never annorexic or bulimic before or during the pregnancy, something just changed in my mind about a month after the birth.
I'm happily living with my childs father, we're actually engaged, but that's a crazy story on it's own..
.. We had been dating for just over 2 years when he went on a boys night to a cabin (we'll call him J). A girl who claimed she was one of my best friends the night before (we'll call her W) had blown off girls night claiming she was too tired. Well turns out W ended up at boys night and hooked up with J in the back seat of a mutual friends car.. WTF right? Well the next morning the boys all roll into the house lasughing about something and J blurts out, "I can't believe I slept with W!"
Needless to say I dumped him and immediatly started dating so rigger who took me off to Mexico (we'll call him C). J being bitter started trying to make me jealous, kind of hard to do since I was with someone who was treating me like gold. But C could tell something was still bothering me and pushed me to get the closure he knew I needed. J had been hounding me to get me somewhere that we could talk so he could appologize, and since I was looking for closure we ended up going out for dinner. At the restaurant I guess maybe I realized I still had feelings for him.. bla bla bla, I ended up leaving C and getting back together with J. About a month after the dinner I found out I was pregnant, also a week before we were going to Mexico.. So I had a sober Mexico trip. While we were there, with friends, the boys blew me and my bestie off (we'll call he T) and went and met up with a bunch of random girls.. shit got out of control. He threw a drink at me, his friends tried ripping me a new one. But i was fed up, decided that night I was putting my baby up for adoption. I didn't need this bullshit in my life. We ended up working everything out, and I couldn't be happier with my baby. He's the love of my life.
Me and J still have our issues and it doesn't help that W lost about 60 lbs on her own bulimia diet. I constantly find I'm comparing myself with her. It's not fair, before the pregnancy i was always like ya she's pretty and has huge tits but I'm skinnier. And now I feel like I have nothing on her. She's gorgeous and skinny and managed to keep her knockers, which I thought was impossible, and I have a post pregnancy body with saggy boobs, funny fat spots and wide hips. It's kind of like if he cheated on me before when I looked better then her why not now since she looks better then me?
Any ways enough with the complaining, I swear the whole blog won't be like this, I just needed to do a little venting today.. I was feeling sad. I'll hit this back later in the week. It's nice to have somewhere to put your thoughts.
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